When in doubt take 4

pregnancy tests that is. Even though I know there is no such thing as a false positive. I just kept taking them. If you know me you know that I am a planner. I plan everything ahead of time. Especially babies. I had a long list of things I wanted to happen before we would try for baby number 3. They included things like getting Israel to sleep through the night. Getting Israel night weaned. Getting Israel well established on solid food in case my milk supply tanks. Losing another 5 lbs. Lifting weights and getting super fit again. Making a bunch of meals for the freezer so when I am dealing with morning sickness we don't end up spending hundreds of dollars on take out ( yes that really happened) Our usual take out budget is less than $30 for a month- not hundreds of dollars. Getting Keira to actually like her brother. I am not mentally ready to go through another pregnancy just yet. The list goes on and on.

In the 3 days since I have known about it I am beginning to get some peace. I am never adventurous enough to actually want kids 18 months apart. But the older I get the more I learn how little is really in our control and just how messy life really is. Not to mention as Catholics the only acceptable method of family planning is NFP ( which we faithfully use). I'll survive- just desperately praying that I am not that sick this time. I need to be able to take care of my kids!!!! And I don't want to miss any of Israel's growth either since he is still so little. I'm also very much praying that I can have enough milk to get Israel to a year at least. The thought of another baby is always exciting. I truly love love love the baby stage. The thought of another 9 months of purgatory not so much.

Another issue is my midwife that delivered Israel is no longer practicing so I am back to square one in terms of finding a provider. Def going to plan on another home birth though!!!