Thursday, May 31, 2007

Baby on the way???? Maybe.....

Well I went to the doctors Tues. She said I needed to go 1 more week before they would strip my membranes or try to soften my cervix to try to induce labor .....
Well this am I woke up feeling crampy and having back pain. The back pain intensified as the day wore on and I started having some tightening across my uterus. I finally called the doc around 1:30 and they wanted me to come in for a stress test b/c the baby wasn't moving much. I just got back from that. The baby looked fine she said and I was having alot of cramping and "uterine activity." She said it would either dissipate and stop or it would get stronger and proceed into labor. She said she was on call this weekend and might see us!!
So anyways- That is were we stand. I am going to go for a walk and see if I can encourage things a little bit... :o) We will keep you all posted!!!
Hopefully it won'' stop and go away but get stronger!!!

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Where did the food go??

So...yesterday we had a BBQ. We invited a lot of people and of course as the hours kept inching closer to the time of the BBQ, we were getting calls from people saying they were coming and asking what to bring for food. Being that Tanya is better at organizing parties and figuring out what kind of food we need, I usually divert all those questions to her. Needless to say, we probably had 30-40 people over for the BBQ. People brought everything under the sun.

We had:
Hot Dogs
Cheddar Wurst
Stuffed Peppers
Cooked Vegetables
Pasta Salad
Regular Salad
Bacon/Tostito Salad
Dilly Bars
Frederick's Pastries
Whoopie Pie Cake
Hippert's Famous Cookies
More Desserts
6 Coolers
A ton of Bottled Water

I think you get the picture.

The day was a beautiful sunny 80-90 degree day. It would have been hot, but my sister let us borrow her (2) EZ-Up Pop-Up Tent things that provided enough shade for everyone. My parents brought over a picnic table and almost everyone brought over chairs so everyone had a place to sit. My parents also brought a kiddie pool for the kids to play in which was a hit. I would say the BBQ was a success and a good time was had by all.

Anyways...check out the pics from my new camera!!!!! :) I took about 500 pictures, but deleted about 340 of them because they just weren't very good or because there were duplicates or similars. I LOVE THE CAMERA, now I just need to become well acquainted with the thing.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Outdoor nesting :o)

Yesterday I took my restlessness outside and these are the end results! In the front of the house we planted a flowering white dogwood tree. In the back yard we planted a little tiny veggie garden- 5 tomato plants, 4 bell pepper plants, and 4 cucumber plants. In the pots are dill, chives, thyme, and lavender. Mary Kate was kind enough to come over with her green thumb and give me some pointers about planting vegetables. It rained last night so everything is soaking wet this morning - but hey its good for the plants. I knew it was going to rain so I didn't really water them much.
Hopefully the sun will come out and dry everything up since we have about 30 people coming over for a BBQ in a few hours.
In other news- My brother Mark and his wife Niki had their baby- a boy. Dominic Ryan. ( which I am super excited for them) but seriously----- I was due first!!! So not fair. I am still pregnant!!! ARHHHH and not even gardening will make Keira come out- you would think with all that work it takes in planting things that it would put me into labor- but no, nothing so far. :o(

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Sunday am

Well I had a glimmer of hope yesterday- I starting getting crampy and my back starting aching more than normal yesterday afternoon- But it stopped about 2 hours after it started- so no baby yet. :o(
My aunt mentioned that red wine might help me sleep a little bit. Might have to try that- right now b/c its so hot out I am craving one of those big calorie laden fruity drinks like a sour apple margarita( frozen of course!!!) Can't wait to have one of those.
I survived the 3 hour service at church last night too. It was very warm in the church- No a/c and a packed crowd- so every now and then I had to go outside to cool off-. 3 trips to the bathroom and 2 trips outside for a 3 hour service- not too bad. :o) My feet swelled up b/c of the heat and are still swollen today.
My technology hungry husband is super excited about our new camera. We bought a digital cannon 10D off of our friends ( who are great photographers) and actually took our wedding pictures. It arrived in the mail yesterday and Mike has been snapping pictures ever since. So now we own the camera that was used to take our wedding pictures last year. Pretty cool! It looks a little too complicated for my pregnancy fried brain at the moment ( it came with 2 manuals the size of novels)- but of course it took mike all of 2 seconds to figure out how to use it. Mike is sleeping at the moment otherwise I would have him hook the camera up to the laptop so you all can see some of his pictures. Like I said- I haven't a clue how to download pics from it yet.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

No baby yet...

Well I survived the 96 degree heat wave yesterday! :o) Today's high is only supposed to be about 85- regardless I am staying inside with the AC on until this evening. I did go out early this am- about 8 am and walked for about 1 hour- even did some hills. Keira seemed entertained by the whole thing and was very very active when I got back but has since settled down and I am guessing has no plans for meeting the world any time soon. :o( Still hoping and praying for her to show up this weekend. My ability to sleep has gotten ridiculously bad- I can't fall asleep for hours (even though I am exhausted) and when I finally fall asleep I just wake up about 2 hours later and can't fall back asleep. I never had any sleep problems before so I am blaming the whole thing on the baby.... and people wonder why I am so anxious to get here out of me!!!!
Maybe the holy spirit will get involved at the vigil mass tonight- :o)
If anyone has any ideas of ways I can keep myself busy let me know- I am so restless. I have already cleaned our house- organized every closet, cleaned up the yard, cooked a few meals for the freezer. Keira's room is ready and there isn't one thing left to buy, the car seats are installed. I have packed her bag for the hospital as well as mine- I can't sit still long enough to read or watch TV.. and sleeping just isn't happening....

Friday, May 25, 2007

weekend plans...

I have declared Mike my new hero.... Its currently 96 degrees out and I came home from work and he had installed the a/c in the living room and had it running and the house nice and cool!!!!! Pregnant women and heat don't go together very well... my feet are swollen enough already- So nice to have to have AC!!!!!
So its memorial day weekend 2007. On my way home from work I passes several campers, and trucks hauling campers. I suspect that traffic headed north into the white mountians is going to be horrendous. Its supposed to be a great weekend I believe weather wise so everyone seems to have big plans. I have big plans too- I hope to have a baby this weekend!!!! HAHA- I doubt that would happen- would be nice.... but I doubt it.Other than that.. its also Pentecost weekend- which means there is a big (and of course LONG) Pentecost Vigil Mass at church sat evening. Mike is lecturing so we will be going to that. Hopefully its not as long as the Easter Vigil Mass. If I usually make at least 2 bathroom trips for a regular mass- I wonder how many times I will have to pee during a 2 and 1/2 hour mass.... ???? Lets hope I can also stay awake! :o)
Other than that- Mike is abandoning me all day tomorrow to go to MA and help the Franciscans with their dry wall project again so I shall have to find something to occupy my restless mind that doesn't involve spending money.
Monday we are having all of our friends over for a BBQ-
Hope everyone has a good weekend!!!

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Diaper Cake

Have you ever heard of a diaper cake???? Me either.. until I saw one today. Work had a double baby shower plus a wedding shower for me, another girl having a baby, and a PA who was getting married today. They had tons of food and cake. Yummy stuff. The other pregnant gal and I were each given a diaper cake ( see pic of the far Right) The diapers are rolled and then bound with ribbons and stacked like a cake. On the sides are toys, pacifiers and bottles. Its really very creative. They also gave each of us flowers, a Target gift card, balloons, and a bag of baby clothes and toiletries.We have sooooooo many diapers now- If Keira doesn't show up soon I am going to have to find another use for disposable diapers..... :o)

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

My response.....

Some comments from the peanut gallery- that I feel I must respond too....

Mark & Niki said...
A few comments: 1. Good news about the sunshine and blood pressure. I can tell you are so ready to have that baby!2. Sounds like you have been succored in to all those sleeping devices. Niki and I received one of those Teddy Bears from one of her relatives and it didn't work an ounce. The only thing it did was make a really annoying noise. 3. Baby Keira is a princess already. While all those gadgets all over her crib and chairs, she is going to be hyper-stimulated. 4. Are you going natural? You don't need the epidural....not that I know or anything!!5. Temps yesterday was 80 and sunny! Jealous?
5/22/2007 1:33 PM

Tanya says...
1. Yes I am ready to have this baby- question is.. is she ready to meet the world?? Doesn't seem to be the case. I won't be outdone with Armenian stubburnness- I am afterall more armenian that she is.. so I shall win this fight and she shall come out!!!
2. Sleeping devices- They were given to us( not bought by us) and hey if it works who cares... EVERY baby is different so who knows.... this is another fight I will win- This child will learn to sleep through the night in her own crib. We will love her dearly but we are only human and need sleep too!
3. Princess yes- Over stimulated??? NO - She will be educated.... I think your child will be over stimulated... look who your poor child is going to have bothering it and playing with it... ARI.. Mr. Hyper himself!
4. Am I going natural???? Who do you think I am? Why would I want to be in agony and dying with pain if I can have drugs??? Hello... Modern medicine- its a wonderful thing..... and by the way- being that you are a man.. you haven't the right to say ONE WORD about pain control during labor.. we all know men couldn't handle labor pain either....

Monday, May 21, 2007


Yeah!!!!! The sun is finally out! Thank goodness! And we are supposed to have several days of sunshine! WOOHOOO!!
I just got back from the doctors and everything seems to be OK with Keira. My blood pressure was much better today than last week so no worries there. She didn't check my cervix so I dunno if I am dilated at all but I doubt it since I haven't really had any signs of labor to speak of. She said they wouldn't induce me until 41 weeks unless there is a problem so I could technically be pregnant another 3 weeks (groan... ) Hopefully not- I am going to go take another walk even though I know it doesn't seem to do much but it so nice out I might as well.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

More rainy day thoughts

Well my last post was Thursday and I was complaining about the rain. Well here it is Sunday and its still raining and has been for days!!! We go down to our basement several times a day just to check and see if there is any water pooling around anywhere. So far we haven't seen any but it was been pouring all day long so I wouldn't be surprised if some water started to show up somewhere down there..... The only good thing I can think of coming from this rain is that our grass is lush and looks like it belongs in the amazon rain forest or something and my flowers are enjoying the rain too !
Its hard to occupy the weekend and spend every moment in doors this time of year. Mike has been keeping himself busy with construction projects as usual. Yesterday he was in MA helping a group of Franciscan bothers and priests with a drywall project and today he is plugging away at our own dry wall project on the second floor. The first of our summer guests arrives around June 19th so we hope to have all the construction upstairs finished by then so our guests aren't dealing with drywall dust in their bedroom. Of course how much gets done depends alot of Baby Keira's impending arrival... although we haven't any inkling of hope that she will arrive anytime soon and its getting harder and harder to sleep and get comfortable at any time of the day or night. Tomorrow is my next doctors appointment so we shall see if we have made any progress or if my blood pressure continues to sky rocket.
I spent all day yesterday in Warner at my dad's house hanging out with my siblings and trying not to feel like a caged bird. Today after Mass I did some last min shopping for baby stuff and the usual weekend grocery shopping. For some reason I have a craving for spaghetti and meatballs so I made a whole crock pot full of meatballs. At least dinner is made for the next 3 nights or so... :o)

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Rainy day thoughts.....

I have totally neglected the blog for the past few days!!! Well our life has been pretty non exciting lately- not that it is ever truly exciting but the past few days I really have not had anything to say. The weather has been cold and yucky and rainy all week long and its making me cranky and tired and crazy. The little alien in my stomach is kicking the daylights out of me constantly and using my bladder as a spring board which means I get no sleep.... :o) as you can tell I am so looking forward to kicking this little girl out of my uterus and having my body back to myself!!!

All of our weekly TV shows are winding down. Gray's Anatomy season finale was last night- American Idol ends next week. Its nice to have some shows to look forward to during the long cold winter months when there is little else to do - but I don't think I will miss watching them during the summer. There are so many more exciting things to do. Now if only the weather would cooperate. We are going on our 6th straight day of rain and clouds and cold temps in the 40's and 50's. My flowers seem to like it though. They are growing well despite our current lack of sunshine. The weather people tell us the next day of sun is Tues which means we will have officially gone an entire week + without one drop of sun light. No wonder I am cranky!!!
Anyways so I have been trying to pass the time by reading all I can on infant sleep patterns. I am on my third book of advice of how to get your baby to sleep well at night and through the night after a few months. I might be an expert on infant sleep by the time I am done reading... RIGHT. :o) We have all the tools too.. swaddling blankets, sleep positioners, a teddy bear that mimics a human heartbeat, white noise. Lets hope something works and that this girl is a good sleeper. I am sure there will be many future posts about it.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

37 weeks!!!

Yeahhhh! We have finally reached 37 weeks. Keira is considered full term- FINALLY!! Seems like I have been pregnant for 5 years!

At my check-up today my blood pressure was up again.. 138/80 (yikes) its normally in the 90's when I am not preggo. I have to check it twice a day at work and call if its over 140/80. Doc said they would probably induce me at this point if it gets any higher or stays higher. So we shall see. It was much better before I left work at 120/76.

Anyhow.. Here is the pic the photographer took of my belly when

went to get our family picture taken for the church bulletin... this was a few weeks ago.

Today I finished putting together all the stuff for Keira. Her swing, bouncy seat, mobile and stroller.... Here are some pics...

Sunday, May 13, 2007

All finished!!

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there!!! We went to Mass and spent the rest of the day working in the yard. I finally finished my perennial bed in front of the house. Check out the before and after pics below. It looks a little bare right now of course but once all the flowers grow and mature and fill out it should look really nice.
I also discovered that our yard does indeed have lilac bushes!!! I was planning on buying some so that was a good fine- the actual flowers just appeared this week which is why I didn't realize we had lilacs before. Lilac's are my absolute favorite flower and we my wedding flowers.
Mike's family came over for dinner for a mother's day BBQ. We brought our grill out of storage about 1 week ago and have used it many many times since. The cool thing about using the grill is then Mike will grill whatever is for dinner and I don't have to stand over the hot stove!!

Saturday, May 12, 2007

1 year later....

So today is Mike and I's first anniversary. Crazy how time flies. It seems that it went by really fast. I guess we kept ourselves busy after the wedding/honeymoon with 2 new jobs, a new house and a new baby on the way. Its been a great year. Marriage is a beautiful thing- I would highly recommend it! :o) My favorite part of the year?? Our new house! We LOVE IT. Love being in the city and close to everything, love having our own space, and love to be able to do whatever we want to the place. The worst part of the year? Being so sick the first 25 weeks of pregnancy- Pregnancy is definitely not for the faint of heart ( and that is coming from a woman who hasn't even gone through labor and delivery yet!!!) We really don't have any special plans for the day- we are going to celebrate our anniversary but I begged Mike to wait a few months. We want to head into Boston and walk around and go out to eat . But my current state of exhaustion, swollen feet, big belly, and the need to pee every 5 min isn't to conducive to a great date night. So we figure in July we will celebrate it. For today Mike is off with his buddies dry walling his uncle garage/basement that was damaged during last years Mother's Day floods and I spent the day at the local nursery and digging in my flower bed ( will post pics when I finish tomorrow).
Other firsts- we went to our first yard sale as a couple today!!! I grew up yard sailing with my mother every weekend but I am not really into them myself. But the frugalness in me won over. A catholic school near our house was having a fundraiser yard sale so we decided to check it out. Being that I woke Mike up at 5:30 this morning( to restless to sleep) we were dressed and fed very early. Anyways we ended up getting some kitchen stuff I needed as well as a small bookshelf for Keira's room and some kids books.
Well I could go on and on about the past year but I promised Mike I would join him and the guys and his aunt and uncle for dinner so I had better head over there.....
Ohhhhh one last thing. Mike installed Keira's car seat a few days ago. Being that I read somewhere that over like 80% of car seats are not installed properly I went to the Manchester Police station to have a certified officer/safety expert check it out He was pretty impressed when I told him Mike had installed it.He said "WOW- that looks great- its not very often that I see one installed properly!!" LOL... that is my handy husband! :o)

Friday, May 11, 2007

tearing down trees with a bulldozer

So our lovely neighbor directly across the street and slightly to the left decided up and move the Florida and sell his house and subdivide his "double" lot. Being that it is Manchester; they are, of course, going to build another house on the teeny tiny part of the lot that was previously a lush green lawn surrounded by a cute white fence with several beautiful towering pine trees. Mike and I were enjoying our grilled dinner and hanging out on the deck in our backyard when we noticed some strange noises. We peered over our backyard fence and low and behold some idiots are tearing down one of the beautiful pine tree across the street. I don't know a lot about tearing down trees but I do know that you don't attack a tree with a bulldozer. These guys were literally hacking at the tree with the shovel part of the bulldozer trying to make the branches "fall off" for several minutes - Then they promptly began pushing the tree over again with the shovel part of the bulldozer- it came close to hitting the house next to the lot- then luckily they changed its course and it fell to the ground. We are keeping our fingers crossed that they are only taking down one tree and not all of them. Wonder what kind of house they are going to squeeze on the teeny tiny property!!!

Thursday, May 10, 2007

pregnancy brain and Mike's book

I have full blown pregnancy brain and totally forgot to take some pictures of our dinner with Peter last night!!!! OOOPS! Its really getting bad. About three days a week I actually leave the house without my cell phone- which I never did before I was pregnant!!!
The most exciting news of the day is Mike is a published author... sort of.

A shortened version of how the Holy Spirit at one point touched his life is in a book entitled "When the Spirit Speaks". It is kind of funny how he got his story in that book. A friend of his sent an e-mail awhile back and copied someone on in the e-mail. Since Mike is a curious kind of guy, he went to to seee what the heck that place was. Lo and Behold, it was a Catholic organization. On the website, they listed that they were working on a book about how the Holy Spirit touched people's lives in everyday situations and were looking for stories. Mike has written his conversion story (about 13 pages long) and so he sent it to them. They liked one of the sections and asked if they could use it for the book and alas, it is now in a book for all to see. So if you see this book, look at page 43 and you will see Mike from New Hampshire, Young Adult...this is actually kind of cool ;)

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

They are back....

So apparently I spoke to soon. The ants have returned. Several hours after I posted yesterday they reappeared in the kitchen!!! We have gone to work again to get rid of them and so far we seem to be having success. We will keep you updated!!! :o)

Peter comes in from Franciscan University tonight around 5:30. Mike and I are going to pick him and his friend Kevin up at the airport and bring them back to our house for dinner. Its soooo nice out I think we will start up the grill... Last sunday I attempted to grill dinner and ended up burning it. I am not good with the grill- that is Mike's domain... so I think I will let him be in charge of dinner on the grill. Anyways my dad will meet us here- join us for dinner and then take Peter back to Warner. I will post some pics later this eve!

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Stubborn babies and ants : O) and nesting....

So at my weekly check -up yesterday the doctor said it was time to see if Keira was making any progress to come out. Wouldn't you know, our stubborn little Vigneau baby has made herself nice and comfy in my cramped little uterus and doesn't appear to have any intention of coming out. She said my cervix was soft- But not dilated or thinned out at all!!!! Doesn't she know I am tired of lunging her around inside of me??? Apparently not I guess!!!! She can have a few more days in there as I haven't quite finished putting together the stroller and car seat and swing. But in reality I have been doing alot of yard work, raking, weeding and lugging around heavy stuff and even that hasn't given me one contraction!!
Anyways- Some one asked about the ants - I am happy to say that we seem to have demolished them! I haven't seen an ant in at least 3 days and neither has Mike. YEAHHHH!!!

Mike mowed the lawn yesterday and I cleaned up the grass that was torn up when Mike and Mike H. put in the path. The front flower bed is all ready to plant now that the bushes are all cleared out.

Apparently Mike and Paul may be doing some drywall tonight since Paul was sick on Sunday and couldn't help - but it worked out because we were able to do the path which is my Mother's Day gift.
Anyways- mike seems to have caught my nesting bug and we can't stop with the home projects.... ( as I am sure people are getting tired of reading about our daily projects!)

Monday, May 07, 2007


So...the surprise that Tanya was talking is best shown in the following pictures. This path has caused me a lot of pain last night (doesn't help that I have a cold/sinus infection that I am fighting off). Anyways. I think it came out rather nicely ;)

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Putting the truck to work......

So Mike apparently felt like doing yard work today. So the first order of business was to get rid of the remainder of the bushes. Since they have been in the ground for probably 55 years Mike figured that the only way to get the bushes and all the roots out would be to attach chains to the bushes and attach the chains to the truck and PULLLLLLL. The first bush we pulled out was smaller and came out rather nicely- the next 2 bushes were much bigger and didn't seem to budge no matter what. So Mike called Hippert and then together they managed to get the other two bushes out- It was rather comical to watch- the tires were squealing on the truck and Mike and Hippert we chopping at the bushes with axes trying to loosen some of the roots. Anyways the first 4 pictures are of that...
The door picture is my project of the day which am super excited about. I have been thinking of ways to add color to the front of the house so finally I figured that if I paint the front door red it might go really well with the boring white siding and black shutters. Anyways I love the way it looks... So I had to include a picture.
Stayed tuned.... Mike and Hippert spent half the day working on another front yard project...... It it was too dark by the time they finished and my pictures didn't turn out so I will take some new ones tomorrow. This project is even cooler than the red door!!!!

Saturday, May 05, 2007

multiple species of mold.....

Mike thought everyone would want to see the variety of mold that was growing on the drywall behind the paneling in our basement. This was not from this years flooding- we are guessing its from last year's May ( think our wedding weekend) flood. Thankfully- it was only on the drywall and paneling- NOT on the concrete- so now that Mike has removed the last of it - its all GONE!!!!!! No more mold!!!We are going to pain the concrete a light color in that Drylock stuff so its prettier to look at..... :o)
Well we are off to our last baby shower. :o) We will post more pics soon.
Its rather funny b/c on Monday I told my OB that Keira had me a little worried because she had ceased moving as much for the prior several days- The doc said she was probably running out of room in there and since her heartbeat was strong she said not to worry- Well starting on Tuesday she seems to have either woke up or been on a constant sugar high- She has been moving around tons and constantly kicking me in the ribcage!!! Its almost like she heard me say she was being to quiet and said " HA- they think I am docile!!I'll show them!!" As I write this she is kicking me.....

Friday, May 04, 2007

YAHHH its Friday!!

Gotta love fridays. Its always nice to have 2 days ahead of you where you don't have to think about getting to work on time and dealing with co-workers, etc. Its supposed to be nice weather this weekend too so that makes me excited!! Its been gloriously sunny, although a bit cool in the 60's. At night its been about 32 so I had to bring some of my flowers inside and cover the rest of them with towels at night.
Nothing to exciting on tap for this weekend. We have our second baby shower with my side of the family. Its at my Dad's house in Warner so we will be doing that tomorrow. Other than that we hope to continue house projects...basement work, second floor dry wall, yard work. I wish we could both take a week off and get some things done but Mike has zero vacation time and I don't get a paid maternity leave except for what vacation time I have saved up- so I best leave that alone. I have about 3 weeks saved up so far.
Well I should probably get back to writing thank you nots for all the cool baby gifts we received at our shower last weekend. Happy Friday to all.... :o)

Thursday, May 03, 2007

to do list and our new house guests :o(

Keira just had her first professional photo.. ( in utereo of course). Ste Marie's is doing one of those church directories. So we went to have our photo done for the church directory and the guy wanted to take some preggo pics of just me.... Anyways Mike loved one of the pics he took so we ended up being suckers and buying one of their over priced pictures. It was the only one out of the like 12 that he took that was half way decent. We aren't photogenic people I guess... :o)

I went for a walk today to see if it would give me any contractions- No such luck. :o(

We have been busy trying to get things done before Keira shows up. We got our life insurance all squared away so we can check that off our list to things to do before Keira shows up- Now we need to do our will- Trying to pick a guardian ( in the event of the death of both of us) for a child that we haven't met has got to be one of the hardest things to do!!! We have had the paperwork to do the will sitting on our coffee table for weeks and have yet to fill it out because we can't decide on a guardian for little Keira.

hmmm the most exciting news of the day is that some lovely teeny tiny ants have decided to take up residence with us and without even asking us have moved right into our kitchen. The are the most annoying guests ever and Mike has promptly gone to work to speed up their demise.. We will keep you posted.

The sugar monster has struck Mike and he said if I find a dessert recipe for him to make he will do the dishes.. :o) so I better find a dessert recipe since he is almost done with the dishes. Personally I think he should wait until we have at least confirmation that the ants are dead and gone before we go spreading the sugar around but apparently the sugar cravings are to much to bear...... I am trying to stay away from the sugar as I have gained 39 pounds as of today with this little alien growing in my belly. Mike constantly making desserts isn't helping!!!